It’s been a while since I posted (a whole six days I know!).
I started my new job yesterday – I have a good feeling about it. Like it’s going to go well but you know, it’s probably just that new starter enthusiasm. It’ll wear off by the end of the week I’m sure!
Like I mentioned before – I’m over my crush. OK – so it took a while but I couldn’t be happier with where things stand between me and him. He is (bar any male siblings and the ex) my male best friend (MBF).
I can’t explain what happened or at which precise moment it happened – getting over him that is. Recently – in the last six months or so, we have become proper close and I know that, that would probably propel some people into developing stronger and more intense feelings for someone. Sure, I went through that. But the more I saw of him, the more I realised that emotionally he’s not the one for me. Don’t get me wrong. I love him. He’s been an absolute legend in my times of need but he’s not strong enough to be in a relationship with me (or I’m led to believe). Plus, he’s told me too many of his secrets!
So this is how it is now. We share pretty much everything (although some things like how much sex we’re having and when we’re having it are sacred! – Apparently not so sacred – just had a phone call…). We pretty much have some form of communication every day whether it’s a text: him telling me that I’m rubbish or me telling him I love him (he doesn’t deal well with my emotions!).
I think what sealed the friendship was what happened the other day. One of my parent’s is an alcoholic as I’ve already mentioned. Last week, things were bad at home. S is usually the person I call in my time of need but even he had managed to annoy me so much more than the parent. I had no one to talk to. I mentioned this fact to the ex crush and he was like “what do you mean?!” and I explained it. It’s not easy to talk to people about this. It makes you vulnerable. To which he replied “You can always talk to me. If you ever need me, call. And I have a car. You need time out – let me know.”
And it was said in such an affectionate way that my heart couldn’t help but melt and I welled up at the thought that he will always be there for me.
I don’t know when it became like this. This level of comfort. But I’m so glad it did. You never know where your journey will take you I guess.
To A – my MBF – you know I love you inna?