Says “It’s not that I don’t trust you, I just can’t depend on you.”
B called me the other night not long after I published the last post. And she basically said that I had told A her business. Obviously I didn’t. You’d think that after however many years of friendship, she wouldn’t have to question that but she did.
If only she knew that A doesn’t give a shit which is why she never comes up in our conversations (they had a falling out about 6 weeks ago!).
But question it she did. Emotional as I am, I basically told her that I hate having to prove myself to her constantly. Over and over again that I am going to tell her shit to other people. Why would I do that?! Does she think that once she’s told me, I go out thinking “So let me go and tell everyone coz I’ve nothing else to do!”?! It’s bollocks really.
She also said that she feels as though I put A before her. Not true if you ask me because of the countless occasions that I have been there when I could have been with A. The fucking paranoia and jealousy is beyond my amusement now. Seriously. Get over it. If you don’t get along with him, fair enough. I haven’t asked you two to be friends.
The thing is, I know how pathetic this all sounds. Right now, I just want my own time and space.
Last night, I went through some pretty rubbish shit. Nothing to do with this. Family and business issues in which threats were made, property was damaged and police were called.
You know when you can’t talk to adults to make them see sense – to show them that even though you may not want to do it – there is only one feasible option and it’s the best.
The threat making people are serious. Do you know how much I begged and cried my heart out last night to make sure that they didn’t hurt you? To buy that little bit of extra time and say that I will find the money. I will give it to them so that your pride doesn’t get your property further damaged, your children hurt or whatever else there could be.
I’m a mess at the moment and the people that I should have been able to turn to aren’t there. As you do get older (and yes I’m old!), you see things a lot clearer. You can’t trust or depend upon anyone other than yourself.
I’m not bitter – just honest.