It has been nearly three months since my last post. I haven’t really had anything to write about. I think that might be because I am happy. I mean, I am secure in my relationship (apart from when those odd moments where I feel as though I am not enough but those are quickly sorted with a chat and a few tears). Things at home are good *touch wood*. Work is going good – I’m being kept busy and there is plenty more travel on the cards. Things could always be better but I won’t complain.
The New Year came and went in spectacular fashion. I was at home on midnight NYE with my siblings and parents, watching the fireworks on the telly and gave them all a kiss before I headed up to bed at 12:30. I am the last of the great party people(!). A dying breed!
I cannot remember when I became so emotional. Seriously. It’s like my heart wants to burst at times. This morning, I dropped my siblings to a station (because of the crappy tube strike in London – bastards, the lot of them for making my siblings inconvenienced!) It was so early and cold and I felt soooo bad for them. I welled up a little bit. I know I mollycoddle them a bit. I don’t like to see them struggle. In fact, I don’t like to see anyone struggle. I am the same with all my loved ones. Even strangers. If I can help somebody – I will try my best.
There are times when I become so sad though. For no reason. Everything makes me cry. Happy things make me cry. SERIOUSLY! I am a wreck.
My evenings are spent playing Nintendo wii with the siblings. Baba is also busy – things have improved for him recently and i think he is at a better place in life. A happier place. His past has damaged him. I don’t think I was enough to bring him back from that. But he’s OK. And God willing, he will be OK in the long run. I have had doubts about us. The periods of time where I don’t see him but then I see him. I see the smile and eyes light up as he see me. The affection he showers me with and then I doubt my doubts.
I think I am appreciating religion more. Not so much my own but religion in general. I want to learn. I want to know everything about everything. And yet I need to find the time.
It is Baba’s birthday tomorrow and I have not organised anything. But that’s OK. Because I am pretty sure he’ll love me regardless!
AND – even though my siblings bully the shit of me (I’m the oldest!), they did buy me one ticket to go and see Beyoncé the day after my birthday. I am a happy bunny!