Baba and I are over. Done with. Finished. Khalas It’s only hit me today. So much that I went to the toilet and cried. It was my decision. But that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt any less.
Things have not been great between us for a while. Ever since I started my new job but especially so in the last 6 months. Lots of travel and not enough time for each other. The last few weeks we have been arguing like crazy. And the man he has shown me that he can be is not somebody that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t want sympathy or pity. And if I write it down it will be real.
The relationship was abusive. Not physically. But verbally, mentally and emotionally. The last few months I have walked on eggshells around him. I didn’t dare say anything for fear of upsetting him. I know he has been given a bad hand in life – things that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone but there was no need to take them out on me. It got to the point where I dreaded seeing his number come up on my phone. He tried to control me. I am not that girl. I refused to be.
When I told him I don’t want to be with him, he flew into tantrums, threatened to ruin my life, expose my secrets to my family. But what can he do that hasn’t already hurt me. I am hurting. I invested nearly 3 years of my life into loving someone and I didn’t really know them.
He owes me a lot of money. But now I am ready to cut my losses. I keep berating myself. I should have known better than to date him. And he might have been my rebound guy. But he also might have been THE guy.
I think I was charmed at the time. He said all the right things that I wanted (and needed) to hear.
Don;t get me wrong – we had some great times. I have a lot to thank him for. The first guy and only guy to call me beautiful. For loving me. Because I truly believed that he did.
It’s difficult. I am 32 now. My friends pretty much all married and at a different chapter in their lives. And here I am, picking up the pieces of my heart once again.