Pretending

The hardest thing about heartache of any kind is pretending to the world that you are doing OK. That nothing is wrong and you carry on with the daily routine knowing that inside you are crumbling.

I have told B, my siblings and a few other people about what has happened. I feel all the better for it.

No part of me in the last 4 days has thought of O. Well not in the concerned sense. I mean I don’t care whether he eats, sleeps or is in trouble. I have thought of the situation, what he has put me through but at the end of it all, I truly believe that this is God’s way of saving me. Saving me from a lifetime of deceit, lies, abuse, debt – the list is endless. I am not going to sit here and demonise our relationship – there was a time when it was the best thing for me and he was what I needed. But now he is not.

What is meant for me will be mine. Until then I will carry on pretending like everything is OK and try not to break down in tears every so often.

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