It is inevitable that I write a post toasting the New Year. I had made a decision towards the end of 2015 that I would be done with Baba. He continues to call but I have changed my number and as of the 23rd of January, he shouldn’t be able to contact me (my old number will cease to exist!). I am hoping by then he will have given up. I am sad to see my old telephone number go though. It’s the only thing that has remained constant in my life in the last 12 years. But I came into 2016 super positive. And I hope it stays that way. I don’t miss him or the companionship anymore. In fact, I feel like it is a great weight off of my shoulders and genuinely I am happy.
I only have two resolutions:
- Be kind to people. And by that I mean kinder to people I don’t know. Not that I am not innately kind in general. But I think I am going to try to do more.
- Try not to be so flakey. Like I am the worst. I will “commit” to something. And then when the times come to follow through, I would much rather slit my wrists! Getting me out is the problem – once I am out, then it’s all good but I hate the rigmarole of having to get ready to go out – why isn’t it acceptable for me to go out in my pyjamas with bedhead and no make up?! (There are still going to be times when I am flakey but hopefully not as often!)
Today I had my first cry of the year – I don’t know if it’s because my hormones are in overdrive or just because. But I cried reading this and this. The first link because it is so nice to see people celebrate their faith – whatever it is. I know in the last year my faith has increased dramatically. I am not a religious person by any means. But I believe in God. And I have faith in God. In whatever form I choose to worship/believe in him – he has saved me from myself. For that I am thankful. The second link because it just shows me that however shit I might be feeling, there are others who have it worse than I do. And if they can get on and do it, so can I!
I have so much to look forward to this year – work though increasingly busy is going well *touch wood*. I will have a new line manager soon who is US based and I think she wants me over there a few times this year for work. I have mentioned that I would be happy to move over there for 3-6 months (how incredible would that be?!). My siblings – my biggest supporters and my strongest allies. I am truly blessed to have two younger siblings who bully the life out of me. My parents – growing older and more fragile . A harsh reality that I am not sure I want to face. Hell, not sure I can face it. But needs must. My friends – B trusted me with her son over the weekend (the younger one who is 6 months) and he is still alive and well! My friends who have my back. I may not have many, but the ones I do have are my family.
In the words of the illustrious DJ Khaled – “They don’t want us to win, but we gon win!”
(I love DJ Khaled).
Happy New Year to you all and your loved ones!