The Date is Set

July 15th.

I thought I would be more upset than I am. I have written so many memos to myself of how I am/have been feeling at any given time during this “relationship”. And yet I have known now for a week and I still haven’t written anything.

I am genuinely happy for you. Well not happy that you are committing to something that you say don’t really want. But happy that you are doing the right thing (in some way I guess) by her, by your family and by your loved ones.

I have told you previously that as soon as you get married, I would leave. You told me right at the beginning that this would stop but you have changed the narrative. But I can’t be that person. At the same time, I know you are my best friend. I can’t imagine not telling you my inane nonsense. Or listening to your drunken ramblings.

I would like to believe that we are completely honest with each other and I think that is why this has gone so well. Because I have nothing to hide from you.

We meet on a night out – we knew we were going but you with your friends and I with mine. We share a drink at the bar and a cheeky kiss as I pass you on my way to the dancefloor. But I meet a guy (I’m drunk and my inhibitions are lapse to say the least!). I give him my number and we have been speaking for the last 2 weeks. Every day. I tell you – partly because I want you to know but mainly because I want to make you jealous (petty games I know). I don’t think it works. Your voice doesn’t waver, you don’t really pay no mind. And I am slightly gutted. But he is nice. He makes me laugh to the point where I am wheezing! And I think he could be good for me.

I see you yesterday and we share a drink – you considerably more than me and I can see you are tipsy. You ask me about the other guy. You tell me that you are jealous that he is getting so much of my time – that he gets to enjoy my company. I ask if you want me to keep talking to you about him – about how things progress with him and you say yes. I don’t understand. Glutton for punishment? Ego trip? I don’t know.

All I know if I enjoy your company. We get on. And we’re friends. Maybe it going to be me that will pull the plug. Who the hell knows?! :/

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