2017

Gosh, it has been a while hasn’t it? I haven’t had the urge to write. I mean, life has been on going – I have been doing things that are blog worthy but my heart hasn’t been in it.

A recap of Aug – Dec: I became unhappy at work – office politics will do that to people and it is a shame that senior management don’t understand.

I joined WW in August (in a bid to lose some weight before my US trip!) and currently am 17lbs down – I am a slow loser (in weight loss – a quick loser in life!).

As a result, I started a new job in October – with a company I have previously worked for. 3 months in and I don’t know if it was the right decision but time will tell.

November saw me travel to LA, Las Vegas and Yosemite National Park with my siblings. My sister’s boyfriend joined us as well on this trip – his first time abroad. It is funny how an extra person can change the dynamics so easily. I didn’t enjoy Vegas and LA so much – I’ve been there before and they are not cities that touch my heart. Yosemite was an amazing experience. We were lucky enough to get there before the snow started to fall and roads started to close so we saw all that we needed to see (including a bear!).

I moved out of home in early December – away from my parents and siblings. Not so far, 4 miles at most but I am still away from them. I see them a lot (every weekend). Working from home and living by myself as meant that I need to find other ways to get out of the house. What I have realised though, is that living by yourself is not all that it is cracked up to be. Cooking for one person continuously is a chore. Eating the same meal for lunch because of leftovers is not ideal. And they don’t sell things in the grocery store for one person! Though I am trying to learn new things to cook. What living by myself has taught me is that I like to learn – I am looking at recipes and trying things that I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to at home.

You might realise I left out September – purposely I might add. September saw O re-enter my life. It must have been a moment of madness. He had messaged me on an old Skype account and I replied. We spoke erratically. He asked to see me, told me he missed me and the spiel that I guess I needed to hear. We met up and old feelings stirred. He was everything he was in the beginning. In my head, I was screaming at myself “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!”, but your heart does not always hear that. I know he did wrong by me. I know. And I know that I do not want to be the other woman. I have since put the final nail in that coffin. I know picking at wounds does not make them heal.

And now we are in 2017 – I think I am trying to love myself. It’s hard. I feel as though everyone I know has settled down and are living that dream of having a family and children. Some days I question, do I want children? Or is it because that is what is expected of me? Is there a reason why God hasn’t presented me with this opportunity? Would I not make a good mum? So much revolves around finding somebody to love you. Unconditionally. Most often than not, I question why that eludes me.

 

A Snow Filled Thought

I know the title doesn’t make any sense. But because it’s Christmas – I don’t care.

The weather here has been somewhat awful to say the least. Don’t get me wrong, I love snow. I love it when I know that I am safe inside the confines of my own home and I don’t need to go out and that when I do have to go out, hopefully it’ll all have melted away and it will be safe to walk on the pavements without fear of slipping over and hurting myself!

Yesterday though I was at work and the snow fall from the weekend had yet to disperse and what was left of it had turned to a sludgy slushy ice fest. Sitting in my office counting down the hours until I could go home, I saw snow start to fall. Not only falling but actually settling. Crap is what I initially thought to myself because I knew that driving home would be a nightmare.

I decided then that I would try and leave half an hour early in a bid to get home within a reasonable time. 45 minutes later, I am still on the same road. The road that I had parked on. The road which usually takes me 2 minutes to get across!

In all it took me three and a half hours to get home. A journey that usually takes me an hour. I’m just happy that I got home safe. I saw one car turn a corner at about 5mph and the back end of his car just kept going and he ended up hitting two parked cars. Poor guy.

Despite some crazy drivers (seriously – it’s snowing! We’re all driving at 10mph but yet you seem to want to drive past us at 20 and try and cut us all up!), sometimes you see things that redeem your faith in human kindness. Cars were struggling to drive uphill, and I saw people (pedestrians/passenger of other cars) all helping to push those that were stuck and having helped one car, come back and help another. And all this despite the mini snow storm type thing that was going on.

Made me smile.