The Date is Set

July 15th.

I thought I would be more upset than I am. I have written so many memos to myself of how I am/have been feeling at any given time during this “relationship”. And yet I have known now for a week and I still haven’t written anything.

I am genuinely happy for you. Well not happy that you are committing to something that you say don’t really want. But happy that you are doing the right thing (in some way I guess) by her, by your family and by your loved ones.

I have told you previously that as soon as you get married, I would leave. You told me right at the beginning that this would stop but you have changed the narrative. But I can’t be that person. At the same time, I know you are my best friend. I can’t imagine not telling you my inane nonsense. Or listening to your drunken ramblings.

I would like to believe that we are completely honest with each other and I think that is why this has gone so well. Because I have nothing to hide from you.

We meet on a night out – we knew we were going but you with your friends and I with mine. We share a drink at the bar and a cheeky kiss as I pass you on my way to the dancefloor. But I meet a guy (I’m drunk and my inhibitions are lapse to say the least!). I give him my number and we have been speaking for the last 2 weeks. Every day. I tell you – partly because I want you to know but mainly because I want to make you jealous (petty games I know). I don’t think it works. Your voice doesn’t waver, you don’t really pay no mind. And I am slightly gutted. But he is nice. He makes me laugh to the point where I am wheezing! And I think he could be good for me.

I see you yesterday and we share a drink – you considerably more than me and I can see you are tipsy. You ask me about the other guy. You tell me that you are jealous that he is getting so much of my time – that he gets to enjoy my company. I ask if you want me to keep talking to you about him – about how things progress with him and you say yes. I don’t understand. Glutton for punishment? Ego trip? I don’t know.

All I know if I enjoy your company. We get on. And we’re friends. Maybe it going to be me that will pull the plug. Who the hell knows?! :/


My Purpose

I have kind of been flitting in and out of online dating – it’s a means to an end but it is laborious and time consuming and I don’t put in the effort I should to reap the rewards that I want.

I recently started speaking to a guy – same background as me. A colourful past though – not someone who I would consider introducing to my parents – but you know bad things happen to good people – we cannot let our pasts define us.

The conversation flowed so easily – I didn’t think about his past at all – I don’t know why. We spoke so often and it seemed inevitable for us to meet. The evening before we were due to meet, he called me and we were chatting our inane nonsense before he told me had something to tell me. He told me that there was someone else as well. And he’d met her before me. So I told him , I would make things easy – I deleted everything and told him that we wouldn’t meet. I was sensible. And that my friends is where all sensibility stopped.

He called me later that night “as friends” – we spoke for over 4 hours. Just stupid things and we agreed that we would have a drink. Nothing had been set in stone with the other girl. So a harmless drink. But a harmless drink turned into dinner which ended up with me kissing him.

We have since seen other a few times, and each time we have had fun. We speak and message constantly. I was slightly optimistic (perhaps that’s where I went wrong). The parameters of what we were doing had not been defined. I think I was happy with that. We were just two people who enjoyed each other’s company.

And then yesterday happened. The other girl told her father that he was the one. It was inevitable. I kind of knew that this was the end goal and there would be nothing between us.

He called me this morning to explain the situation. She has basically sacrificed everything for him and I know this.

I told him , I had served Fate’s/God’s purpose for me in his life. I was there to distract him. And that there was nothing more that I could give. He disagreed. But I have made it clear, that I can’t be in his life. It wouldn’t be fair on anybody.

But it left me wondering – is my purpose to be a stopping gap for these men.

Escapades I

Baba and I spend a lot of time together. Not half as much as I would like but more than my family like. We had a bit of a drunken night out out this weekend. And by we I mean I and by drunk I mean wasted.

Typical activity when I am drunk is flirting with the barman. I don’t know why I do it. It just happens.

Me: I am slightly drunk and please don’t take tjhis the wrong but you are very handsome!

Barman: Thank you. I know my number off by heart – I can give it to you.

Me: Awww thank you but I don’t think my boyfriend would be too happy.

And the thing is – he was SO HOT! Very young. Very Australian. VERY HOT.

And baba just laughed it off. I love the security of this relationship.

Customer Services

I guess I’m a little like LD – in the fact that I’ve been told I’ve got a nice voice. Personally I hate it but to each their own.

Customer services annoy me. Just because they really don’t have customer service skills – and the fact that half the time they don’t understand me. Most call centres have been outsourced to India. When I called up my mobile provider today, he told me his name “Alex”. He asked for mine and confirmed all my security details. And then he said – “Oh that sounds like an Asian name – are you Indian?”

“No, my parents are from Sri Lanka”

“Oh, do you speak Tamil or Sinhalese then?”

“I speak Tamil”

And then he decided to talk to me in Tamil for a bit.

I would have carried on talking to him because he had the sexiest voice (after the boyfriend of course!) that I have heard for a long time.

The end of the conversation ended with me actually checking that his name was Alex.. to which he gave me his full name. Alexander Joseph *generic Tamil surname*.

There has been one time in my life where a guy from a call centre actually called me back to find out more about me – totally unethical but I hope Alexander Joseph follows his lead!

Eye Candy

There is a guy who comes into the shop where I work (part time) who is so hot is hurts. Seriously, it physically hurts me. Every time I see him, I kinda turn into jelly. And we’ve started flirting. Which I know won’t end well! But he’s soooo HOT. He looks like Pharell Willams. But hotter.

God Damn!