Aspirations

To write.

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Chivalry

A young boy gave his seat up for me on the train yesterday. I am not sure if I should be flattered or distraught. Flattered because I’m a female and he was being chivalrous (also he was getting off at the stop after which I’d got on) or distraught because he thought I was too old or too pregnant to stand!

Let’s go with the flattered. Makes me feel better!

Self Realisation

I’m in a much (MUCH) better place now than I was last week. I’ve spoken to B. I’ve spoken to Baba. I’ve spoken to my family. I’m ok. I think the main cause of last week has a lot to do with the contraceptive pill. As a result, I am seeing my GP today to change it.

And I have started dieting again. I am not the weak willed person I painted myself to be. There is a lot more to me than that. I just needed to realise it. And I have. Today marks a new beginning.

Connotations

No one has ever called me beautiful. Well no boy has ever called me beautiful. Not until Baba came along. I have issues as it is with my appearance. Years of comments relating to complexion can mess with your confidence! It’s not that I am unattractive (nor modest apparently!). I have been called hot, sexy, pretty (though this one is mainly by my family) but they just don’t mean the same do they? Beautiful – there’s just something associated with that word that implies that I am good enough. That you must actually love me wholeheartedly to think that.

I remember Baba saying to me as he played me loves songs from Adnan Sami that if he ever came to perform, he’d definitely go and see him. After the flop that was Geneva, I Googled Adnan Sami and lo and behold, he was performing. So I bought two tickets (even though I don’t understand the language, I couldn’t let Baba go on his own could I?!). I wore a saree and was conscious of the fact that  wearing heels would probably make me a little taller than him but I had to complete the look. He arrived looking so smart and sexy, it took all my self control to not throw myself at him. He loves the fact that I am so tall, and as we made our way to our seats, he whispered in my ear that I was the most beautiful girl there. *swoon*

As the show went on, I caught Baba occasionally looking at me with so much affection that it was somewhat overwhelming. When I asked him what he was looking at, he just shook his head and took my hand in his. I remember leaving Baba during the break and coming back and he’d charmed the row of aunts and uncles behind us. He has a knack for doing this – talking and winning over random strangers – it’s one of his most love-able qualities.

As we sat in the car outside his house, I caught him looking at me again. “What?!” I ask him. “Nothing. It’s just that no one has ever done that for me before. Done something so selflessly for me. You don’t even understand the language and yet you sat there the whole time and didn’t complain once. Thank you.”

I realise the last sentence on my previous post was a little dramatic. I was over thinking things. Completely. I don’t want to break his heart. I am going to try my damned hardest not to.

Start As You Mean To Go On

What can I say – I wasn’t the average person over the holidays but I didn’t lose weight. So being back at work has really given me the kick up the arse I needed. I lost 1.5lbs this week, Could definitely have done with that being a few more but it’s just given me the incentive to try harder. Maybe fit in a little more exercise. However, it doesn’t help when your boyfriend is stick thin with the skinniest arms and legs. Man – he’s so skinny!

Nor does it help when you have weekends and holidays planned! 2012 so far:

January – Brighton (for the weekend)

Febraury – Geneva, Switzerland (for 5 nights). I haven’t found accommodation yet though. It’s proving to be sooooooooo expensive!

March – Miami, FL, USA (for a week)

2012 isn’t shaping out to be too badly but then I am dating a guy who’s not the same religion as me so it probably won’t all be a bed of roses!

A Little Hope Yet

It’s confirmed. I am not hideous. Something which I questioned irrefutably this weekend (refer to this!) and the last few weekends actually.

A HOT guy asked me for my number on Sunday. It’s been so long since I’ve actually been asked for my number, I forgot what it feels like. That feeling of “wow, you think I’m attractive?” followed by “awww, you think I’m attractive!”.

A very nice boost to the ego which was in desperate need of boosting.

I know you’re all going to ask whether I gave it to him or not. I haven’t yet. Because. I have issues.

NYE

Wow – New Years Eve. I feel as though it’s come around too quickly. This is only going to be a small reflective post. I mean – you guys have been through most of it with me.


I cried my final tears for S yesterday. No more for 2011 I told myself. Not promising but hoping.

It wasn’t a bad year. January saw me start a new job and February saw the first of my business trips with a stint in Basel. It also saw the eldest of my baby cousins start his travelling. 10 months later, he’s now in Australia and I miss him immensely but with Skype, his blog, Twitter, Facebook, his random texts and a trip to Oz hopefully planned for Summer 2011, I know that he’s doing ok. March saw me turn another year older and not so wiser. Betty decided that her time was coming and I was distraught!

April saw me dating (which clearly didn’t work out!) and May saw another business trip in Dublin. How excited was I?! Only to not see any of Dublin (I barely saw my hotel room) working 17 hour days! But making myself indispensable at work will hopefully have have good things in store for 2011! June saw a lot of redecorating at home, some hen dos and bridesmaid outfit fittings.

July saw a whole load of weddings. In fact, that is the only thing July really saw. Ooooh and Jay Z at Wireless (plus a whole heap of other celebs!)! Ooooh and the purchase of Hector (my new car!). And then we reach August. August was a shitty month (11 posts in one month can testify to that!). Having my heart broken once and for all proved a lil’ too much for me. My emotions ran wild and I was a wreck. Never had I depended on my siblings or my friends as much as I did then. Hindsight is a great thing and looking back I have a few unanswered questions – to myself but I’ll deal with those as and when. September saw a continuation of August. Let’s be fair – having someone in your life for 10 years and then leave will take a while to come to terms with right?

The last three months saw me fly a lot! October saw me take a trip to Frankfurt which tested my patience with family! November saw me in Athens which tested my patience with friends(!) and December saw a trip to Budapest with a new friend (all of which need photos I know!).

And here we are. I can only go into this new year optimistic. So my friends are hooking up and falling by the wayside but that doesn’t mean it’s my time. And I don’t have to live by anybody else’s time lines. New Year resolutions will be made (and most likely broken!) but my heart will be on my sleeve just as it always has been. If I get hurt – then hopefully I’ll learn from it.

To all of you that read this blog. It’ll be 3 years old in January. What I started out as a lil’ bit of fun because I was bored at work has become such a part of my life. In turn as have you those that read and comment. For all your kind words during the year – my words can do you no justice but thank you.

Happy New Year to all. I hope that 2011 is filled with much happiness, laughter, good times, good fortune and love.

Inspiration

It’s all kicking off here in the UK – snow & ice, the president of SL & his visit to Oxford, Wikileaks and not to mention England’s bid for the 2018 World Cup!

I have been a lil‘ busy – Athens, Frankfurt and Paris all to blog about. And I will do that as soon as – but being at work means I can’t upload photos and we all know that trips need photos!

Pseudo has inspired me with her post and I thought I should do the same. After all, it’s Christmas (as good as)!

Mariah Carey – All I want For Christmas – Before she became all hoe-ish!

Wham – Last Christmas

Miley Cyrus’ Version – Rockin‘ Around the Christmas Tree

OK – I could go on and put it out there (even further) at how bad my musical taste is but the most important song that reminds me of Christmas is the next one.

Coca Cola – Holidays are Coming