2017

Gosh, it has been a while hasn’t it? I haven’t had the urge to write. I mean, life has been on going – I have been doing things that are blog worthy but my heart hasn’t been in it.

A recap of Aug – Dec: I became unhappy at work – office politics will do that to people and it is a shame that senior management don’t understand.

I joined WW in August (in a bid to lose some weight before my US trip!) and currently am 17lbs down – I am a slow loser (in weight loss – a quick loser in life!).

As a result, I started a new job in October – with a company I have previously worked for. 3 months in and I don’t know if it was the right decision but time will tell.

November saw me travel to LA, Las Vegas and Yosemite National Park with my siblings. My sister’s boyfriend joined us as well on this trip – his first time abroad. It is funny how an extra person can change the dynamics so easily. I didn’t enjoy Vegas and LA so much – I’ve been there before and they are not cities that touch my heart. Yosemite was an amazing experience. We were lucky enough to get there before the snow started to fall and roads started to close so we saw all that we needed to see (including a bear!).

I moved out of home in early December – away from my parents and siblings. Not so far, 4 miles at most but I am still away from them. I see them a lot (every weekend). Working from home and living by myself as meant that I need to find other ways to get out of the house. What I have realised though, is that living by yourself is not all that it is cracked up to be. Cooking for one person continuously is a chore. Eating the same meal for lunch because of leftovers is not ideal. And they don’t sell things in the grocery store for one person! Though I am trying to learn new things to cook. What living by myself has taught me is that I like to learn – I am looking at recipes and trying things that I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to at home.

You might realise I left out September – purposely I might add. September saw O re-enter my life. It must have been a moment of madness. He had messaged me on an old Skype account and I replied. We spoke erratically. He asked to see me, told me he missed me and the spiel that I guess I needed to hear. We met up and old feelings stirred. He was everything he was in the beginning. In my head, I was screaming at myself “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!”, but your heart does not always hear that. I know he did wrong by me. I know. And I know that I do not want to be the other woman. I have since put the final nail in that coffin. I know picking at wounds does not make them heal.

And now we are in 2017 – I think I am trying to love myself. It’s hard. I feel as though everyone I know has settled down and are living that dream of having a family and children. Some days I question, do I want children? Or is it because that is what is expected of me? Is there a reason why God hasn’t presented me with this opportunity? Would I not make a good mum? So much revolves around finding somebody to love you. Unconditionally. Most often than not, I question why that eludes me.

 

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Emotive

I am an emotive person. I wear my heart on my sleeve and my face can tell you what I am feeling – #PokerFaceGameNotStrong.

As much as I love my job, I am not happy with the office atmosphere. The relationships within the larger team are very cliquey. I have recently become of the ilk that if I am not part of the change then I am part of the problem. So rather than complain and moan to my peers, I decided to apply for a job. It wasn’t planned. I mean, I was going to start looking but I was on LinkedIn and a job came up (with a company that I had previously worked with) that was closer to home (in my industry, the companies are located in a cluster about 20-40 miles away). On a whim, I applied. It turned out that I had previously worked with the hiring manager. Not directly but she knew who I was. Following a telephone interview, I had a face to face interview. I didn’t think I fared very well. But the hiring manager contacted the VP of the department whom I had previously worked with at this company who gave me a glowing reference. And so, within 24 hours of my face to face interview, I was offered the job.

This has been the hardest decision I have had to make in a long time. A lot of my colleagues that I work directly with are not based in the office. And they have been incredible to me! So it pains me that the folk in the office have lead me to this decision. Breaking the news to my LM was hard. He asked me if there was anything he could do to get me to stay (the new position is home based) including working from home (WFH). But I was honest with him. I said, I don’t want you to persuade me to stay and then in 8 months I feel the same as I do now and I apply for jobs again – it wouldn’t have been fair on either of us. So on Friday, I handed in my resignation. I have had one of the senior directors reach out to me expressing his sadness (well I think sadness is a bit of an extreme word to use but you know what I mean right?!). This is in turn made me sad. I mean, not blowing my own trumpet but I am a valued member of the team. I bring wit and compassion to the table and I think it is really appreciated here.

I have a 3 month notice period which I am trying to negotiate down to 2 – who wants to announce they are leaving and stay for 3 months?!  I am truly unsure if I am doing the right thing. I have been here 3 years now (the longest I have been at any job) and I don’t know if it the length that is making me question this decision.

Surely God/Fate would not have presented the opportunity if it wasn’t meant to be?

Chivalry

A young boy gave his seat up for me on the train yesterday. I am not sure if I should be flattered or distraught. Flattered because I’m a female and he was being chivalrous (also he was getting off at the stop after which I’d got on) or distraught because he thought I was too old or too pregnant to stand!

Let’s go with the flattered. Makes me feel better!

Customer Services

I guess I’m a little like LD – in the fact that I’ve been told I’ve got a nice voice. Personally I hate it but to each their own.

Customer services annoy me. Just because they really don’t have customer service skills – and the fact that half the time they don’t understand me. Most call centres have been outsourced to India. When I called up my mobile provider today, he told me his name “Alex”. He asked for mine and confirmed all my security details. And then he said – “Oh that sounds like an Asian name – are you Indian?”

“No, my parents are from Sri Lanka”

“Oh, do you speak Tamil or Sinhalese then?”

“I speak Tamil”

And then he decided to talk to me in Tamil for a bit.

I would have carried on talking to him because he had the sexiest voice (after the boyfriend of course!) that I have heard for a long time.

The end of the conversation ended with me actually checking that his name was Alex.. to which he gave me his full name. Alexander Joseph *generic Tamil surname*.

There has been one time in my life where a guy from a call centre actually called me back to find out more about me – totally unethical but I hope Alexander Joseph follows his lead!

Refreshing

I like FB. In fact, I am a fan. But it really grates my goat:

  • Now that you can’t hide your display picture (unless it’s from everybody!)
  • When people add you randomly (i.e. you’ve never met!)
  • When people say they know you from FB (at a first meeting)
  • When people you’ve met once at a social engagement add you.

So imagine how refreshing I found it when I met a girl on Saturday night who asked me if I wouldn’t mind if she added me on FB?!

She was so lovely, I had no hesitations in saying yes! 🙂

Unhealthy Obsession

I can’t help myself. I actually love him. I feel like I am in high school all over again.

My siblings were the ones that introduced me to him. And HOT DAMN – he is beautiful.

I watch a lot of American TV shows (some of which most of you probably don’t care for but hey, they entertain me!) which include One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl (how HOT is Chuck Bass), Lost (when it was on), How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory to name a few. There’s still so many to watch but I have recently started watching The Vampire Diaries.

Set in a small town in American, it tells the story (so far) of two Vampire brothers who come back to said small town and the story progresses about their history and how it relates to the modern world and how everything and everyone is pretty much linked together. And enter Damon Salvatore – the elder vampire brother. The “bad” guy of the two. The charmer, the one that feasts on humans. The one who proclaims to have no feelings (yes I know he’s a vampire so he probably doesn’t!) but has been hurt by love. Played by the gorgeous Ian Somerhalder, Damon Salvatore is so hot it actually hurts me and that in the last 48 hours, I have managed to watch season 1 (22 episodes) and get up to date with season 2 (5 episodes). It’s taken over my life and I can’t get enough.

Yes, I’m sad. But I challenge you to watch it and not fall for him! Edward Cullen who?!

Placards

I’m going to start carrying some around with me in the car so I can just pick them up and hold them up against the window as I drive past a car.

“You are HOT!”

“DAMN!”

“Learn to EFFING drive!”

“Why are you hogging the fast lane?!”

“Your car is sooooo nice!”

I saw a beautiful guy this morning in a beautiful car who I did a lil’ bit of rearview mirror flirting smiling with.

Yeah, the sun is out and it’s definitely bringing out the floozy in me.

Musical Dreams

Following on from this, I’m hoping I can maybe redeem myself because I have tickets to the Wireless Festival when Jay Z is headlining! I’m so excited!

On top of that I had a really erotic dream last night. With someone who lives in another country and that I haven’t seen for 12 years or so! I’m not sure I’m going to spill all the details but I woke up thinking “WTF was that about?!”.

And if that wasn’t enough, on the same night, in a totally different dream, my high school Chemistry teacher pops up and tells me that he’s “very proud” of me. Seriously – WTF?!

Uncool

Uncool is not a word. Microsoft Outlook tells me that!

A is getting married! (Have I mentioned this yet?!) Yep, this summer and I am excited! His bride-to-be (R) has a love for Krispy Kremes (most foods!) and we’ve hung out many times without him so I’m all for it! And she is sooo nice! I actually love her! 🙂 Below is the majority of our email conversation from yesterday. (Sorry for not putting it up in the usual format – too much space otherwise!) As always – read from the bottom up!

(Background info – A and I are going out tomorrow night and R is in India trying to get bits and pieces for the wedding whilst dealing with a very unenthusiastic A! And the rude words are ****ed out because of work email related filters! And the fact that life as we both know it is kinda over (even though he bought me the box set a few weeks ago – awwwww!))

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From S To A: Well now you know! (No wonder we are uncool – we really need to get out more and maybe find quotes from more relevant and recent TV programmes!)

From A To S: Lol in the words of Phoebe…I have had a taste if my own medicine…and it is bitter!!!!

From S To A: I’m being mean?! It hurts doesn’t it when the shoe is on the other foot! Fighting fire with fire my friend! Fire with fire!!!!!!!!

From A To S: Lol…stop being mean innit?

From S To A: No you’re not. You are not nice enough! I hate you!

From A To S: Lol nooooooo!!!! In your face!!! Haha (ok now Im sorry)

From S To A: Are you?! Are you really?!

From A To S : Lol I am sorry!!!!

From S To A: 😦 You go back to being mean so easily!

From A To S: You are the only one that makes me look cool…haha

From S To A: Do you think I’m uncool?! Is this because I told you I watched Tamil serials?! OK – so you think I’m uncool – but you put up with me right? So it’s fine. If you really think I’m uncool then so be it. 😦

From A To S: But I think you un-cool and vice versa…haha

From S To A: Lol. Oh, allow it then. An a-bomb will take out innocents too and the deluded (those who think we are cool!). So they think we’re not cool. Or even if they just think I’m not cool, there are only a handful of people whose opinions matter to me!

From A To S: We would need to drop an a-bomb man

From S To A: Oh that is unfortunate! Drive by?!

From A To S: There are too many of them…lol

From S To A: WHO?! WTF?! Tell me who those mofos are! :

From A To S: Yeh true…other people think we soo uncool tho!!!!

From S To A: Because we are comfortable with how uncool people may think we are. We don’t care if other people think we are not cool. We live our lives to our rules. And we’re bad! 🙂

From A To S: No y?

From S To A: But we are cool. And do you know why?!

From A To S: We need to become cooler man

From S To A: It’s amazing!

From A To S: That is marketing genius…awesome innit?

From S To A: Lol! We amuse ourselves with some pointless sh*t inna?! :S Yesterday I saw a scaffolding company’s van which said “Make sure your e**ction is in safe hands”. Made me laugh on the motorway – not good when you’re travelling at 100mph with dodgy tires!

From S To A: This is how the Tamil mind works! Awesome inna?! It’s like that cupboard that Monica has with all her junk!

From A To S: Yep lol…

From S To A: You’re going to put all the junk that’s taking up sleeping space into a cupboard?!

From A To S: No making space innit?

From S To A: Oh right! And by building a cupboard – how are you preparing the house for summer? Visiting mans aren’t going to sleep in it are they?! You need a sofa bed or something!

From A To S: No I mean we going sat…just to the party!!!!!!

From S To A: Seriously! Help the girl out. She’s paavam. It’s bad enough she’s dealing with you who has little interest!
So basically – the whole week you have been telling me about Sat this and Sat that and then you flop! You’re not going to be building a cupboard in the evening though are you?! DUST!

From A To S: How is it a flop…mans are getting house ready for summer innit? Bare long… Allow thoughtful…