Since my last post, I have been to Moscow, Russia – did I mention how truly blessed I am to have a job that I enjoy and gives me the opportunity to see places in the world that I might not have otherwise? If I haven’t – please let me be thankful for that.
I wasn’t looking forward to spending time alone with my thoughts. I know what I am like when I am alone. I know that I will over think things. But then something happened just before I went away. This situation is so effed up that even The Jeremy Kyle Show would be slightly surprised (maybe?).
My ex’s child bride called me. She had seen a text in his phone from me (For someone who is so good at erasing text messages and call logs I’m thoroughly surprised!). She accused me of harassing her husband! Once I had got over this indignation, I politely asked her to discuss with her husband who is harassing who. And I asked her that if she is having marital problems, she should leave me out of it. I then blocked her number. And then the ex called me. From Bangladesh. Asking why I had called his wife – where does he think I would have got her number from?! I said to him “Your lies are going to kill you”. Promptly hung up and blocked that number as well. And at that moment, I felt like a weight had lifted. Only a few moments before all this had happened, I had made the decision that I would not speak to the other woman. Because as I said previously, I was speaking to her in a bid to keep the ex close. But I didn’t want that. A realisation that I had come to all by myself (this was progress!).
I then went to Russia and had an amazing time and did not think of this situation at all.
It has been two weeks since this happened. I have gone to sleep every night with a light head and a clean heart. I am in a good place. I am not hideous looking – confirmed by more than one young man who I have smiled at (and/or kissed!). I have told my sister what happened (in short) and I have started to tell close friends – and not once did I break down in tears or did my voice break.
I know that I was too good for him. I mean, I thought our differences made us compatible. But he wouldn’t have fitted in my lifestyle. I know hindsight is a great thing – I do. I know now I needed this lesson. I needed this to guide me away from my naivety that everyone is kind and that things are not what they seem on the surface – that I need to scratch that little bit more. That being said, I also know that I can’t stop wearing my heart on my sleeve just because of this. I know that my feelings for him were pure. That if anything he has cheated himself out of what would have been innocent and pure love. It is his loss.
I am not saying that it doesn’t hurt. Of course, in love, there is no greater hurt than betrayal (at least that’s what I think) and that hurts.
Makes Made me feel worthless. But I know I am worth so much more to others. Worth so much more to myself.
I remember saying last time my heart was broken – never underestimate the kindness of strangers. To those that have commented – your words have been so comforting and I am so thankful that not only do I have a blog to pour out my emotions but that I have people who read and take the time to comment. Thank you so much.
As begins this new chapter in my life, here is my new policy – smile at everyone, flirt with everyone and whatever is meant to be will be.