Since my last post, I have been to Moscow, Russia – did I mention how truly blessed I am to have a job that I enjoy and gives me the opportunity to see places in the world that I might not have otherwise? If I haven’t – please let me be thankful for that.
I wasn’t looking forward to spending time alone with my thoughts. I know what I am like when I am alone. I know that I will over think things. But then something happened just before I went away. This situation is so effed up that even The Jeremy Kyle Show would be slightly surprised (maybe?).
My ex’s child bride called me. She had seen a text in his phone from me (For someone who is so good at erasing text messages and call logs I’m thoroughly surprised!). She accused me of harassing her husband! Once I had got over this indignation, I politely asked her to discuss with her husband who is harassing who. And I asked her that if she is having marital problems, she should leave me out of it. I then blocked her number. And then the ex called me. From Bangladesh. Asking why I had called his wife – where does he think I would have got her number from?! I said to him “Your lies are going to kill you”. Promptly hung up and blocked that number as well. And at that moment, I felt like a weight had lifted. Only a few moments before all this had happened, I had made the decision that I would not speak to the other woman. Because as I said previously, I was speaking to her in a bid to keep the ex close. But I didn’t want that. A realisation that I had come to all by myself (this was progress!).
I then went to Russia and had an amazing time and did not think of this situation at all.
It has been two weeks since this happened. I have gone to sleep every night with a light head and a clean heart. I am in a good place. I am not hideous looking – confirmed by more than one young man who I have smiled at (and/or kissed!). I have told my sister what happened (in short) and I have started to tell close friends – and not once did I break down in tears or did my voice break.
I know that I was too good for him. I mean, I thought our differences made us compatible. But he wouldn’t have fitted in my lifestyle. I know hindsight is a great thing – I do. I know now I needed this lesson. I needed this to guide me away from my naivety that everyone is kind and that things are not what they seem on the surface – that I need to scratch that little bit more. That being said, I also know that I can’t stop wearing my heart on my sleeve just because of this. I know that my feelings for him were pure. That if anything he has cheated himself out of what would have been innocent and pure love. It is his loss.
I am not saying that it doesn’t hurt. Of course, in love, there is no greater hurt than betrayal (at least that’s what I think) and that hurts. Makes Made me feel worthless. But I know I am worth so much more to others. Worth so much more to myself.
I remember saying last time my heart was broken – never underestimate the kindness of strangers. To those that have commented – your words have been so comforting and I am so thankful that not only do I have a blog to pour out my emotions but that I have people who read and take the time to comment. Thank you so much.
As begins this new chapter in my life, here is my new policy – smile at everyone, flirt with everyone and whatever is meant to be will be.
You are growing and healing by leaps and bounds! So proud!
Thank you. It’s so nice to hear when people root for your best interests. Hope you are well. x
Hey scrumpy. Read your blog after quite a while and wow how much I have missed! But I’m happy you are doing so great. Seriously i think you are awesome. X
Hello my lovely! Yes – it’s all been going pretty much downhill but such is life! How are you, hubby and former bun in oven? 🙂 Hope life is treating you kindly. x
Downhill can be enjoyable if decide to enjoy the ride 🙂 we are all good. Former bun has morphed in to a little monkey that climb up everything and drives me nuts!