Emotive

I am an emotive person. I wear my heart on my sleeve and my face can tell you what I am feeling – #PokerFaceGameNotStrong.

As much as I love my job, I am not happy with the office atmosphere. The relationships within the larger team are very cliquey. I have recently become of the ilk that if I am not part of the change then I am part of the problem. So rather than complain and moan to my peers, I decided to apply for a job. It wasn’t planned. I mean, I was going to start looking but I was on LinkedIn and a job came up (with a company that I had previously worked with) that was closer to home (in my industry, the companies are located in a cluster about 20-40 miles away). On a whim, I applied. It turned out that I had previously worked with the hiring manager. Not directly but she knew who I was. Following a telephone interview, I had a face to face interview. I didn’t think I fared very well. But the hiring manager contacted the VP of the department whom I had previously worked with at this company who gave me a glowing reference. And so, within 24 hours of my face to face interview, I was offered the job.

This has been the hardest decision I have had to make in a long time. A lot of my colleagues that I work directly with are not based in the office. And they have been incredible to me! So it pains me that the folk in the office have lead me to this decision. Breaking the news to my LM was hard. He asked me if there was anything he could do to get me to stay (the new position is home based) including working from home (WFH). But I was honest with him. I said, I don’t want you to persuade me to stay and then in 8 months I feel the same as I do now and I apply for jobs again – it wouldn’t have been fair on either of us. So on Friday, I handed in my resignation. I have had one of the senior directors reach out to me expressing his sadness (well I think sadness is a bit of an extreme word to use but you know what I mean right?!). This is in turn made me sad. I mean, not blowing my own trumpet but I am a valued member of the team. I bring wit and compassion to the table and I think it is really appreciated here.

I have a 3 month notice period which I am trying to negotiate down to 2 – who wants to announce they are leaving and stay for 3 months?!  I am truly unsure if I am doing the right thing. I have been here 3 years now (the longest I have been at any job) and I don’t know if it the length that is making me question this decision.

Surely God/Fate would not have presented the opportunity if it wasn’t meant to be?

How long as it been?!

Oh gosh, it has been so long. Nearly two months. A quick summary of my life:

Two trips to the USA. The first incorporating Whittier, CA (a sleepy “city” where the highlight of my trip was being the only non-Mexican in a Mexican supermarket – so much fun!), Portland, OR (which has firmly become my favourite city (a whole separate post when I get some time!)) and King of Prussia, PA (to visit our offices and where it rained the whole time I was there!). I think I ate a years worth of food in the two weeks I was away this time round.

The second trip was just 4 short days to KOP where the sun shined gloriously until today (when I am about to leave!).

In that time, I have had one date. I had been speaking with this guy for like a month before we met up. In fact, I thought he was super nice considering he made the effort to text me every day whilst I was away and not once did he ask me for a “picture”. We met up shortly after I got back from my first trip away and I thought that it went rather well (just goes to show how much I know!). A few days after though, I could feel that he wasn’t feeling me – you just know right. So I asked him what the deal was, we’d been getting on well, he’d even kissed me so I wasn’t hideous(!). But he said, that it’s probably best that we don’t “see” each other. I will be honest and say I was slightly disappointed (because personality wise – we got on) but hey – if it wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t meant to be. Better to cut our ties early rather than late. I deleted all traces of him from my phone book and phone.

Other random news – I dropped my phone whilst I was out here in KOP and it now refuses to turn itself back on. AND I am pissed because I never backed up any of my photos.

I return back to London this evening, where I will need to do some “laundry”, pack and then I leave on Wednesday again for India. This time for pleasure as my friend has her destination wedding.

This is clearly a filler post – I’m sorry that I have to subject you to these random writings!🙂

When Your Selfie is Fire*

*I believe that this is the term that all the cool kids use when they post a selfie that is on point! I had a date on Saturday night. So I made an effort and when I looked at myself in the mirror – I scrubbed up alright. I know make up makes big difference. Because I rarely look this good, I took a few selfies (as is the norm nowadays!) and one was particularly flattering. So I milked the ish out of it. I posted it as my WhatsApp display picture and guess who decided to message me… this guy! Low key I was super gassed because of how I felt here but at the same time I’d forgotten about him. Onwards and upwards! This post is merely just to show how true this meme is! (I’m all about meme life!)

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But on a side note – I will be off to the land of the free in just over two weeks and I am excited!🙂

Cancellation

So this trip here was cancelled! I was super sad because I’d arranged to see family whilst I was over there but I guess these things happen.

However, I have since been asked to visit Portland, OR and Whittier, CA – I am super excited. Portland looks incredible. I’ve never been and am really looking forward to exploring.

Any tips are welcome!🙂

No More Tindering

I was regaling stories to B of the guy from this post. We were supposed to go out yesterday. He confirmed in the morning and then cancelled two hours later. I know something could have genuinely came up so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But when I went and checked my Tinder, he wasn’t in my matches any more. So I assumed he unmatched me. I deleted his number out of my phone book and didn’t think he would message me again. Until he did late last night asking if I’d blocked him (because he could longer see my picture via whatsapp!) and accused me of being petty. I think he was jesting. I said no, I just deleted his number and I wasn’t looking for somebody to play games with. He then came out with this big amount of BS about waves and riding the surf with big waves and small waves and I was like “sure (WTF?!). So I just said, not to worry. He also then told me he thinks I am hot. To which I replied there is more to me than being hot! To which he replied that I am a feminist and that this wouldn’t work out. I had such high hopes for him.

So as I was regaling Tinder tales to B, I told her that whilst it was a great ego boost – maybe Tinder wasn’t for me. And her being the bestie that she is said “The problem is that you think you need these fuck boys to validate your worth and you don’t. You are beautiful and you will find someone who loves you for all you are and so much more”. She was right. So with that I deleted Tinder.

Tindering

I am still on Tinder. I mean, it gives the ego boost I need once in a while. No dick pics in a while but boys are quick to offer. I met a really nice guy. At least he came across as super nice. He asked me out on a date. And I said yes because he looked handsome enough and sounded normal enough after our phone conversation. But he keeps sending me mixed signals. Man. Why must these things be so hard?

Tindering

Tinder is not for me I don’t think – actually maybe dating isn’t for me. I had had a few matches and I have actually had a little bit of chat with some of the men on there. But I fear the art of being a gentleman is being lost in the generations of today. So far I have been sent 5 pictures of d*cks, 1 video of a gentleman stroking his d*ck and some topless photos (these aren’t so bad!). I guess that is the generation of Snapchat. The fact that you can send a video/picture and know that it will disappear in 10 seconds.

Men are so quick to talk about sex though – I mean, I am no prude by any means but surely guys know that women are not that quick to talk about sex (purely I think because of the slut shaming that still goes on society – unfortunate I know!). Also, at least try and lull me into a false sense of security. Pretend that you somewhat have an interest in me other than just the fact that the thought of my lips satisfying you turns you on! Honestly, I have looked at my lips in a different light since joining Tinder. My photos are all of me fully clothed with bright eyes and big smiles. But men don’t see this!

You can only communicate with someone on Tinder if they have matched you as well. So last week, I matched someone and he started talking to me. I was like OK – I’m bored at work, let me entertain myself. He was keen to meet and I was going out that evening in the city centre. So I thought let me kill two birds with one stone – this way, I only have to make the effort once! I agreed to meet him at a tube station before I met my friends. We didn’t exchange numbers. So imagine my surprise when I went to message him to tell him that I was running late that he had unmatched me!! So was I supposed to still meet him? He made such an effort to get me to agree so I don’t understand the point of this. I don’t even know what he looked like – that’s how bad it was! I walked past the station we were supposed to meet to realise that there are three exits! I can’t make this shit up. I literally just walked past and hoped that there wasn’t anybody waiting for me!

I think Tinder has done what I needed it to though, which is give my ego a boost – which it was in desperate need of!🙂

 

The Positivity in Break Ups

That point when you can start flirting with people and you know that whatever happened was because that was what the world intended.

My colleague is on Tinder. Now I know that Tinder is renowned for being a hook up site but she wanted someone to talk to about her antics and a comrade in arms as such. So she forced me to join. I didn’t have anything to lose. I mean, I had tried to join a few times in the past, but literally deleted the app after a day each time. But this time my run has lasted a week.

I am not sure how I feel about Tinder. It’s a great distraction app – bored? Just log in and swipe (mostly left in my case!). The few occasions I have swiped right, I have been surprised to see that it is a mutual swipe (especially the young ones!) – I mean the text messages that I received from Baba’s new wife would lead you to believe that I am hideous. And there were instances where I believed I might have been!

However, the guys don’t seem to want to message first. I know that in the 21st Century that it shouldn’t be expected and I don’t but my colleague swears by The Rules so I thought let’s give it a go. To be fair, I am taking this all with a pinch of salt. I don’t know if I am ready for dating or anything. But I am definitely happy flirting and being found attractive.

In Baba news – my number has changed and I don’t receive calls from anybody associated with that aspect of my life. It is a relief. Prior to it changing, I received a call from him – and I spoke with him at length. He sounded unhappy. And I asked him why? There were no answers. I don’t think there ever will be. But I think the closure is that I have accepted that this was all him. I could not have loved him harder or better in all of my capacity.

Toronto

Work have just asked me if I want to go to Toronto. Hell yeah! My manager always asks me in such a way that he makes it sound like an inconvenience! What he doesn’t realise that I love the fact that I get the opportunity to travel at the expense of my job.

Toronto – let’s go!🙂